A person with a difficult character often suffers from those qualities that developed during his life. He does not understand why people shy away from him, and communication does not bring either pleasure or benefit. The complex nature is manifested in sarcasm, conflict, envy and other features. However, even such people, having worked hard on themselves, will be able to achieve spiritual harmony.
The interaction of a complex person with the world
It is not easy to deal with a person who has a difficult character. Such people often offend others, spoil their mood. Often they begin to be avoided, since communication with them rarely brings joy. If you had to deal with such a person, the simplest solution is to enter into communication with him as little as possible. The main signs of a severe nature, signaling the need to reduce the number of contacts, are:
- Unwillingness to listen to the interlocutor.
- Feeling right, even in situations where there is no reason for him.
- Aggressiveness, conflict, non-expressiveness.
- Propensity for criticism and nit-picking.
- Depression, a tendency to dramatization.
If it seems that only such people are around, this is an occasion to think: perhaps personal problems are not peculiar to them, but to the person himself.
Excessive irritability is one of the main signs of a severe nature. One person will behave calmly while in traffic. Another will be furiously honking and scolding everyone around him - both drivers and pedestrians. If something doesn’t happen according to plan, someone will step on his foot, or if the child will bring a bad mark from school, this can turn into a real Apocalypse for such a person. Psychologists believe that irritability as an inborn character trait is inherent in only 0.1% of the total population. In other cases, this quality is a consequence of psychological problems acquired during the lifetime.
Often, people with a heavy character believe that truth is born in a dispute, but living in peace with other people will still fail. On the one hand, constructive criticism helps to become better and benefits. But such people forget that not only what is said is important, but also how this information is presented.
By the way, phrases like “He is a complete idiot if he does not understand this” or “Her hands do not grow from there” are insults, not criticism. It is useful to remember this for people with a difficult character.
The reason for such picky is often the features of education in early childhood. A child who has had to listen to criticism from his parents for any act gets used to this behavior. Often, to adjust this character trait, you can not do without a long work with a psychotherapist.
This trait of a severe nature is aimed at hurting other people and hurting their shortcomings. Moreover, this is always done in the most sophisticated terms and often in front of everyone. Pleasant jokes can never spoil your mood. As for sarcasm, it causes only one negative emotions. This phenomenon is a socially acceptable form of aggression. If a person cannot tell the other everything that he thinks of him, which makes him a target for his sarcastic statements.
Often the cause of sarcasm is the desire to attract the attention of others. Psychologists have found that such a trait is characteristic of people who came from large families. It also affects those in whose families parents and other adults were not ashamed to communicate with each other through ridicule.
To overcome the craving for acute slander, you need to think - why pronounce offensive words and what is their ultimate goal? Indeed, in order to attract the attention of society, there are many more positive ways. If the statement of a colleague or relative seems sheer stupidity and causes a desire to give a cruel joke, it is useful instead to ask the interlocutor a few clarifying questions. For example: “Why do you think so?”, “How do you think, can things be different?” This will help to prove himself a delicate and attentive person. This will allow the interlocutor to maintain self-esteem.
The tendency to dramatize events, anxiety, depression
These qualities of people with a heavy character spoil life both for themselves and for those around them. After all, they also have to constantly listen to complaints and nagging about how bad things are. The neighbors have an expensive car, the friend has a more beautiful wife, and the acquaintances the child managed to enter a prestigious university. The quality of life in the country is deteriorating, and salaries are not rising, and the weather is unimportant every day. This is approximately the way these people think, infecting others with their pessimism.
To get rid of the habit of seeing everything in a dark light, it is useful to work on yourself. It is necessary to develop the habit of seeing things in more positive colors. Also, such a person needs to do everything in his power so that his life becomes pleasant and comfortable, brings joy.
I have a hard character: what to do? General recommendations
To be a difficult person means to condemn oneself to conflicts and loneliness. And the first step to overcome these difficulties will be the realization of their shortcomings. People with this personality structure are often inclined to notice only the minuses of the people around them and not pay attention to their own. Even in a situation where others point out that they are wrong, they will continue to continue to believe that they misunderstood them and want to offend them.
Having a heavy character is not easy, because you need to learn to control yourself. In conflict situations, it’s useful to muffle your own feelings for a while and take an interest in what others are saying about you. Do not rush to be rude in reply or make excuses: for a start, it is better to listen impartially to criticism of other people. This will help to understand what image has developed in their head and how they perceive such behavior. If this image is negative, it should be changed.
But to admit their shortcomings is only the beginning of the struggle with a difficult character. Often people get stuck halfway, invent all kinds of excuses for themselves. “Nothing can be done, because I have such a character,” they say. Such an excuse becomes universal for them. They use it in any conflict situation or to justify their own weaknesses.
In reality, a severe character is not a sentence. It is formed throughout the life of a person. Only on the personality itself depends on where she will direct her natural inclinations. For example, everyone knows that people with choleric temperament are often unrestrained and irritable. But even they are quite capable of controlling their own outbursts of aggression.
If anger deprives the ability to think soberly, one should not seek to express it as soon as possible. On the contrary, first you need to slightly reduce the intensity of emotions. To do this, it is useful to use techniques of relaxation, deep breathing. Sports and fitness help well to get rid of excess adrenaline. Especially effective in this regard are martial arts.
If a lover is a complex person
The severe nature of a man is not an easy test for every lady. At the beginning of the relationship, usually the weaknesses of the stronger sex are not manifested as clearly as after the end of the candy-bouquet period. When the gentleman realizes that the girl no longer needs to be looked after in order to achieve her benevolence, he gradually begins to show his true face.
In any pair, people eventually begin to learn about each other's shortcomings. But the usual relationship is characterized by the fact that these shortcomings, with due effort from the man and woman, can be overcome and leveled. For example, if a husband constantly throws socks, this is not critical for family life. The wife can put the box in another corner of the room and offer her beloved to play volleyball with the help of socks, trying to throw them right on target.
But if the spouse is stubborn and difficult in nature, constantly provokes conflicts, God forbid, raising his hand to his wife, here one should seriously think about the advisability of continuing the relationship and the possible risks to health and life.
Other cases of severe people
The same applies to cases in which a male boss has a complex character. After all, constant interaction with such a person at work is no better than the need to endure the husband’s antics at home. Therefore, those who wish to maintain psychological balance are also advised to minimize communication with those people who have a difficult character, in whatever field of activity they have to deal with them.
If a relative is a difficult person, here the problem requires a more detailed consideration. It may be necessary to undergo joint psychotherapy in order to find common ground, to make communication softer. But one thing must be remembered: if a person does not want to take into account the interests of loved ones, then it is unlikely that he can be influenced by persuasion.
If the soul refuses to accept this person with its terrifying flaws - this is a signal that it is time to change your environment. Unfortunately, such people often have to be deleted from life, since they themselves change extremely rarely.
Negative people. How to behave with inadequate people? Hamlo. How to communicate with negative people? (Jul 2019).
Difficult people exist at work. They come in every variety, and without them there is no workplace. How difficult a person will cope for you depends on your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your professional courage at work.
Working with difficult people is easier when a person is just generally unpleasant or when behavior affects more than one person. Working with them is much more difficult when they attack you, secretly criticizing you or undermining your professional contribution.
Difficult people come in every imaginable variety. Some speak constantly and never listen. Others should always have the last word. Some employees default. Others criticize everything that they did not create. Difficult colleagues compete with you for power, privilege and attention, some go too far, caring for the positive opinion of the boss - to your detriment.
Some employees try to undermine you, and you constantly feel that you need to watch your back. Your boss plays the favorites, and the privileged side rules over you, people form clicks and leave you. Difficult people and situations like these exist in every workplace.
All have one thing in common. You must contact them. Regardless of the type of difficult situation in which you find yourself, you need to deal with difficult people or situations.
Why you have to deal with difficult people
Trust this statement. Your situation will not improve, left unattended, it usually gets worse.
Unforeseen, necessary conflicts are only slightly lower and often erupt productively above the surface at work.
Initially, people get shocked when they are treated unprofessionally, so if you take some time to understand what exactly is happening to you, you are not alone. Once you are fully aware of what is happening, the decision to live with the situation in the long run is not an option.
He will be shortsighted to such an extent that you will be unhappy to enter the work every day.
You are so angry and in such pain that your efforts to resolve the situation become irrational. It is much better to deal with a difficult person early, as long as you can maintain some objectivity and emotional control.
Sometimes, at the moment in your relationship with a complex person, you can back off and say that nothing good will come from my opposition to the behavior of this difficult person. Make sure that you do not deceive yourself in order to avoid conflict, but there are cases when you can avoid a difficult person and minimize their impact on your working life. But it depends on your individual circumstances.
Worst case scenario if you can't handle difficult people
Constantly complaining about an employee or situation can quickly earn you the title of smirker or complainer. Managers wonder why you cannot solve your problems, even if the tolerance of the manager or encouraging the situation is part of the problem.
Most importantly, if you are drawn into a constant conflict at work, you can not only blame yourself for being “unable to cope with the situation like a mature professional”, you can be flagged as a “difficult” person,
This shortcut is hard to escape and can have devastating consequences for your career.
Finally, if things get worse over time, the organization and your boss can upset you. Your boss may decide that you are a high-level employee who is easily replaced by a more professional or collaborating person and you may lose your job.
Work with difficult people in the workplace
If you work for some time, you have jobs in which all sorts of dysfunctional approaches to working with a difficult colleague have been tried. Making an anonymous note in a person’s mailbox is not a viable option.
Placing a tin can of deodorant on the desktop of a hygienic employee is also not a productive option. Resisting bullying in public can often lead to disaster.
Including dead bugs in a drawer can leave your boss no other way than to fire you. So, let's look at more productive ways to solve your difficult colleague.
How to work productively with a difficult employee
Are you sure that in almost all cases you need to work productively with your difficult colleague? Good. These are ten production ways you can learn and communicate with your difficult colleague.
- Start by exploring yourself. Are you sure that the other person is really a problem and that you are not overreacting? Have you always had difficulty with the same type of person or actions?
Is there a template for you in your interaction with colleagues? Do you understand that you have hot buttons that are easy to push? (We do everything, you know.) Always start with introspection to determine that the object of your attention is really the actions of a difficult person.
- Find out what you are experiencing with a trusted friend or colleague. Brainstorming ways to solve the situation. When you are the target of an attack or your boss appears to be supporting the dysfunctional actions of a colleague, it is often difficult to objectively evaluate your options. Anger, pain, humiliation, fear and anxiety about a worsening situation are legitimate emotions.
Pay attention to the unspoken agreement that you create when you request the help of another. You agree to act if you do not agree with the actions, this will only hurt the situation. Otherwise, you risk becoming a nagger or complainer in the eyes of your colleague.
- Approach the person with whom you have a problem for a private discussion. Talk with a colleague about what you experience in the “I” messages. (Using “I” messages is a communication approach that focuses on your experience of the situation, rather than on attacking or blaming another person.) You can also explain to your colleague the effect of your actions on you.
Be nice and enjoyable when talking to another person. They may not be aware of the effect of their words or actions on you. They may learn about their effects on you for the first time. Or, they may have to contemplate and confront the pattern in their own interactions with people. Worst case?
They may know and recognize their influence on you, but deny it or try to explain it. Unfortunately, some difficult people just don't care. During the discussion, we will try to reach agreement on positive and supportive actions in the future. Focus on one or two actions that hurt you or bother you the most.
- Follow-up after initial discussion. Behavior has changed? Is Gotten better? Or worse? Determine if further discussion is required. Determine if the subsequent discussion will affect. Decide if you want to continue to confront the difficult person yourself.
Become a peacemaker. (Решите, как сильно вы хотите заключить мир с другим человеком и насколько вы хотите выполнять свою текущую работу. Определите, испытали ли вы образец поддержки со стороны своего босса.) Если вы ответите «да» на эти вопросы, обсуждение. Если нет, эскалация и переход к следующей идее.
- Вы можете публично выступить против поведения вашего трудного коллеги. Поговорите с человеком с нежным юмором или легким сарказмом. Or make an exaggerated physical gesture - no, not one - for example, a salute or put a hand on your heart to indicate a serious injury.
You can also tell a difficult person that you would like them to consider an important story when making decisions or similar words expressed positively, depending on the subject. Direct confrontation really works well for some people in some situations. It does not work to ask a person to stop doing what they are doing publicly, but you can use more positive confrontational tactics.
The success of this tactic for you will depend on your ability to pull them out. Everyone is not very funny, but if so, then you can make good use of your humor with difficult colleagues.
Focus on the things you can control
Although you may be tempted to insist that your boss is a scumbag or that your company has ridiculous rules, do not waste precious energy on things that you cannot control.
Focus on controlling how you respond to people and the circumstances in which you find yourself. Make efforts to manage your emotions, speak out and respond productively to problems.
Set healthy boundaries
If you are offended by a colleague who monopolizes your time, or if you are angry with someone who is trying to stare at your work, this is a sign that your boundaries have been violated.
It’s embarrassing to think and say something like “I’m not going to continue this conversation” or “I actually finished this report,” but it’s important to set limits on the behavior that you are not going to endure.
Complain only to those who can help
Talking with your colleagues within minutes can be enjoyable, but complaining to people who cannot do anything to rectify the situation can do more harm than good.
A study conducted in 2015 showed that when employees complained about someone to a colleague, their mood worsened sharply, and their activity decreased for two days. Discussing difficult experiences with a colleague makes him remember even longer.
If you need help communicating with someone, contact your supervisor or the human resources department. Talk to someone who can help solve the problem if necessary.
Use your lunch break wisely
Do not eat lunch at your table. Do what relaxes your mind and your body, and you will be better prepared for work after dinner.
A 2018 study found that the best way to freshen up during your lunch break is to exercise mindfulness exercises. People who practiced mindful meditation for several minutes during lunchtime had a higher level of well-being at the end of the day.
Creating this buffer may prevent you from transferring stress from your workplace to your home.
Get enough sleep and exercise
If your colleagues or supervisor abuse you, research suggests that you are more likely to abuse your loved ones when you get home.
According to a study by the University of Central Florida, the best way to avoid family frustration is to get enough sleep and exercise. People who were physically active and received the most sleep were less likely to mistreat their families after being abused by a difficult employee.
Find a friend
Make a close friend at work, and you will increase job satisfaction by 25 percent. Even if nothing changes, having a close friend with whom you talk in the hallways can help you better relate to your work.
You need to start a conversation with people around you. And don't be afraid to share personal information or ask questions to get to know people at a deeper level. True friendship in the office can be built on the basis of mutual understanding - what you share outside the office, and not just on similar complaints against the boss.
Set an exit plan
A poisonous work environment will tire you out over time no matter how strong you are. Create a clear exit plan that determines when and how you will leave.
So if you do not like your work, you need light at the end of the tunnel. Regardless of whether you decide that you will choose other options after paying off your mortgage, or you agree to hold on to this place for another year to see if you can move to another branch, do not put up with 40 hours of suffering every week of your life.
Sometimes people think that the power is to cope with anything - even toxic, unhealthy situations. But dismissal from work is not a sign of weakness. This is often a sign of strength.
It is important to create an environment conducive to the development of mental power. If, despite all your efforts, your work bores you, change the environment. Getting a new job or starting a new career can be the key to building the mental power needed to reach maximum potential.